Reclaiming my style identity at 43: Finding my 'why' again.

Losing a sense of personal style can feel like losing a part of yourself. At certain times in life, many people find their style evolving, sometimes without realising it. For some, this change is exciting; for others, it can be confusing or even frustrating. Discovering that my style identity had slipped away was a surprising moment. It pushed me to explore who I am now and how I want to express that through my clothing and appearance.

Recognising the Shift in Style

Style is more than just clothes. It reflects personality, mood, and life stage. Over the years, I noticed my wardrobe becoming a collection of random pieces rather than a cohesive expression of myself. I found myself reaching for the same few items, avoiding the mirror, and feeling disconnected from what I was wearing. It was actually in an online therapy session that a mirror was really held up against me.

I was talking about the feeling of being invisible in life where I used to feel more confident and not afraid to be seen. My therapist then noticed that I had literally blended in. I was wearing the same white colour as my walls... I was just a bobbing head on the screen. There was nothing about me. Not even a pair of earrings, and that just wasn't me.

This shift didn’t happen overnight. It crept in slowly, influenced by changing working environments (the work from home comfort), lifestyle demands, a traumatic injury, and perhaps a bit of complacency. At 43, I realised I was no longer dressing for myself but for convenience or habit. That realisation was the first step toward reclaiming my style identity.

Understanding What Style Identity Means

Style identity is the unique way you present yourself to the world. It’s a combination of colours, shapes, fabrics, and accessories that feel authentic and comfortable. It’s not about following trends blindly or fitting into a particular mould. Instead, it’s about knowing what makes you feel confident and true to yourself.

For me, understanding this meant reflecting on outfits that made me feel good and identifying what elements I wanted to keep or change. It also meant accepting that style can evolve and that it’s okay to experiment.

Steps to Rediscovering My Style

1. Decluttering the Wardrobe

I started by going through my clothes with a mission in mind. Items that no longer fit, were a bit tatty, or didn’t resonate with my current self were set aside, and ultimately thrown away or put on Vinted. This created space for new choices and helped me see what I had. Plus I am a huge believer in the sell some items and reinvest. You don't need a huge budget.

2. Exploring Inspiration

Instead of looking at fashion magazines for trends, I focused on finding inspiration in women whose style I admired or spoke to me. Creating a Pinterest board of the woman I wanted to become and how I wanted to show up really helped this process.

3. Shopping in my wardrobe

I experimented with mixing pieces I already owned in new ways. Removing my present day autopilot uniform from view, and grouping items together for easy access - jeans, knitwear, shirts. This helped me break out of old habits and taught me more about what worked for my body and personality.

4. Investing in Key Pieces

Rather than buying many items, I chose a few quality pieces that felt special. These included a versatile coat, good quality knitwear, and accessories that added personality. These investments made dressing more enjoyable and less stressful.

5. Listening to My Feelings

Throughout this journey, I paid attention to how clothes made me feel. Confidence, comfort, and joy became my guides. If something didn’t feel right, I reconsidered it. This self-awareness was crucial in rebuilding my style identity.

Embracing Change and Growth

Reclaiming style at 43 is not about returning to a younger version of myself. It’s about embracing who I am. This means accepting changes in lifestyle and being open to new ideas without fearing judgment. It also means remembering that comfort is also ok and necessary, but that it can be styled rather than just worn.

Style is a form of self-care. It can boost mood, improve confidence, and create a sense of control. For anyone feeling lost in their style, this journey offers a chance to reconnect with who you really are and find joy in dressing again.

Practical Tips for Anyone Reclaiming Their Style

• Start small: Change one aspect at a time, like adding a new accessory or trying a different colour.

  
  

• Keep comfort in mind: Clothes should feel good physically and emotionally.

  
  

• Seek honest feedback: Friends or family can offer helpful perspectives.

  
  

• Be patient: Style evolves gradually; give yourself time to explore.

  
  

• Document progress: Taking photos of outfits can help track what works.

  
  

Moving Forward with Confidence

Reclaiming my style identity at 43 has reminded me that style is personal and ever-changing. It can have a direct impact on my mental health. By focusing on what feels authentic and enjoyable, I rediscovered a new way to express myself that fits my life today and makes me feel good.